The Baldwin Report

Unreliable and second-hand gossip from around the world*

The Clydesdale

Anheuser-Busch took top honors at the Super Bowl this year with its  heartwarming commercial about a trainer who raises a Clydesdale from infancy to become part of the prestigious Budweiser team. And boy, did they feature a gorgeous animal! He’s graceful and muscular, and those eyes could melt snow. Oh, and the horse was cute, too.

Zayn Malik

Rumors are flying that the boy-band heartthrob may be leaving One Direction, after he was allegedly caught cheating on his longtime girlfriend, Perrie Edwards. Malik is apparently ashamed and disgusted with his behavior after he was photographed sneaking into a hotel room with an Australian stripper. Well, I for one have a few questions. First, who are these people? No, I’m serious. Who are they?


In a provocative new ad for her latest fragrance Naked, the queen of pop practices what she preaches--and quite literally, poses naked behind a bottle of the perfume. We don’t know how it smells though, as the 50 college kids in the focus group were too busy screaming and running from the building to comment.

Lance Armstrong

The disgraced cyclist’s woes continue. After being stripped of his titles and banned from competitive cycling for life following his use of performance-enhancing drugs, Armstrong has been doing anything and everything to make his problems go away. Next stop is the USADA (U.S. Anti-Doping Agency), where he wants to testify under oath and plead his case in an attempt to get his lifetime ban lifted--although inside sources say his chances do not look good. So, if you ever wondered why they call it doping…

*so don’t quote me.