Editor’s note: The Tangential Thinker is on vacation. Enjoy these classic—and definitely appropriate—columns from 2005.

A quiet car ride.

I have tuned out the constant

Call, “Are we there yet?”

What a great relief

Fantastic gets throw-up out

Of the car’s rear mat.

Arrive at the house.

I thought you had the damn keys.

Day one: Motel 6.

It’s so relaxing.

Nothing could wreck this day.

Mom! Punch fell in the lake.

Cooking cleaning and

Laundry. Vacations are a

Lot more work these days.

Perfect children play.

Polite, respectful and kind.

And then I wake up.

Sunburn and bug bites,

SPF and Skin So Soft

When can we go home?

 

We ran out of wine,

But there’s still plenty of whine.

When did bedtime move to 10?