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  • September 17, 2014

The Tangential Thinker - Ladue News: Tangential Thinker

The Tangential Thinker

Brave New World

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Posted: Thursday, March 12, 2009 12:00 am

      I e-mailed a friend recently asking if she knew another friend’s e-mail address. Her reply was terse: I don’t know; Facebook her. Is that even a word? According to dictionary.com, Facebook is only a noun, but you can Google someone, so why not Facebook them?

    Have no interest in FB and prefer your friends in the 3D form? You are a 404. It means clueless, as in the 404 error message the Internet sometimes sends you. With political correctness making phrases longer, it’s nice to have someplace emphasizing linguistic efficiency.

    Going on a camping trip with your old college buddies? Headed out to your local watering hole for some testosterone-y activities like pool or darts? You‘re having a bromance. Did you Facebook an old friend you haven’t spoken to in years? You’re having a friennaissance.

    New words pop up left and right. Do you have a secret reality-TV guilty pleasure that you’re embarrassed to admit? Do you check out TMZ to see which celeb got a DUI or fought with the paparazzi? You are a fan of irritainment. Then there’s an earjacking. That blonde at the bar is completely earjacking us. The other use, however, is being forced to listen to a bad or lip-synced performance. Ashlee Simpson’s SNL performance was a complete earjacking. And all the celebrity bad boys and girls have spawned the tern prehab. It simply means helping kids to make the right choices and behave appropriately. When I was a kid they called it parenting.

    Of course, the most fertile soil for creating new words and phrases is the workplace. Do you work in a cube farm? If you do, you probably have a seagull manager: the guy who flies in from the home office, makes a lot of noise and craps all over everything. You also might have a co-worker who is climbing the corporate ladder via assmosis, kissing up to the boss. You might boost (marginally) your inadequate salary by taking a Xerox subsidy, aka using the copy machine for personal business. Decisions from management that are disconnected and ineffective come from the adminisphere. And finally there is my personal favorite, the ohnosecond. That’s the moment you realize you just hit ‘reply all’ instead of ‘reply’ when sending a snarky e-mail, or you’ve accidentally included your boss in a message NAFW (not appropriate for work).

        From multiplex to dirty bomb to edamame to sudoku, new words find their way into the lexicon every year. And that’s a good thing. It keeps us young. So now instead of saying, I was banging so loudly on my frozen hard drive that everyone in the office was popping their heads over their cubicles to see what was going on, I can simply say: My percussive maintenance had the whole office prairie dogging. Now that’s efficient. 

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