So last week, a show premiered on ABC called Splash—not to be confused with Smash, which has an actual story line. Splash is a reality show where 'celebrities' attempt to dive. That’s it. They dive. Coaches coach them, they hurl themselves off a 10-meter board (please don’t call to correct me about the height of the board because frankly, I just don’t care), and judges score them. So let’s tally it up: We’ve had celebrities dance. We’ve seen them skate, cook, diet, rehabilitate and survive in the wilderness. All I can say is that fame—however it is achieved—must be pretty freaking awesome if people are willing to go through all this to get it--or rather cling to it. And that got me thinking: I wonder what else we could get said fame-seekers to do?


Same show as Splash, only they don’t fill the pool.

Celebrity Clergy

Celebrities get ordained on the Internet, then attempt to write and deliver a sermon on, you know, things that matter to them: humility, charity, and how to bribe the paparazzi to be at The Ivy at just the right time.

Celebrity Paparazzi

Gary Busey, Heidi Montag, Omarosa and Lindsay Lohan run around Los Angeles photographing themselves.

BASE Jumping with the Stars

Give each fame-seeker one of those flying-squirrel jumpsuits and send them off a tall building. I’m sensing a similar outcome as Splat, but still.

Banana Pancakes with the Stars

Celebrities compete to make judges banana pancakes. I don’t know why that popped into my head. I’m just really in the mood for banana pancakes.


Eighties TV stars race around a Daytona track at toe-curling speeds. Just imagine the carnage.


Well, in any event, it seems there is nothing some people won’t do to cling to that fickle and elusive mistress called fame. Makes me kind of happy I’m not famous…or does it?

More Tangential Thinker articles.