Movie spring has sprung. We may have three more weeks on the calendar, but at the Cineplex, the new season has arrived. Here are the highlights:
MARCH 9
John Carter
If you get a nickel for every piece of religious imagery you notice in this thing, you could pay for your popcorn. An adaptation of Edgar Rice Burroughs’ novel, John Carter is a Civil War soldier who is captured by aliens from a neighboring planet and becomes a hero. It’s sort of a sci-fi Gladiator.
The Raven
John Cusack stars as Edgar Allan Poe. In this fictional account of the end of the writer’s life, he is brought in to consult on murder investigations.
Salmon Fishing in the Yemen
Emily Blunt and Ewan McGregor star as a PR consultant and a fishery expert brought to the Middle East to help an Arab sheik indulge his passion for flyfishing.
MARCH 16
Mirror Mirror
This is the Julia Roberts’ Snow White movie, the first of two out of the gate this spring.
21 Jump Street
The awesome Johnny Depp series from the ’80s gets this atrocious comedy reboot with Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill as undercover cops in a high school.
Butter
Jennifer Garner stars in this promising indie comedy about a competitive butter carver. Yes, you read that correctly.
Casa de mi Padre
Will Ferrell goes Telemundo in this Spanish-language spoof of Mexican action films. The trailer is funny, but I fear this could be a one-joke movie.
MARCH 23
The Hunger Games
If there is a 12- to 17-year-old child in your immediate family, then you have already purchased tickets to the most hotly anticipated film of the season. Jennifer Lawrence (Winter’s Bone) leads an all-star cast in this futuristic death match tale.
APRIL 6
Titanic 3D
It’s the 100th anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic and to commemorate it, James Cameron is buying himself a beach house. If George Lucas can double-dip Star Wars, why not Titanic? Too bad Avatar came out in 3D…
American Reunion
Finally, a sequel that makes sense: The entire American Pie cast is back—sadly most of them had nothing better to do— to attend their high school reunion. Once you get done rolling your eyes, it looks like it could be funny.
APRIL 13
The Cabin in the Woods
This is an oddly timed horror flick. Five friends—one can only assume a jock, a virgin, a computer geek, a stoner and a sassy best friend—get more than they bargained for in said cabin.
The Three Stooges
The Farrelly Brothers made one funny movie—one—and yet studios continue to finance their sophomoric projects. This time, they are bringing the sacred Stooges to the big screen. Will this be their Titanic (the ship) or their Titanic (the movie)?
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