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  • July 25, 2014

Name That Loon - Ladue News: Tangential Thinker

Name That Loon

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Posted: Thursday, January 5, 2012 4:42 pm

Another year has passed, and 2011 brought us a treasure trove of absurd and egregious celebrity incidents. As the television industry increasingly rewards shameless behavior, celebrities continue to deliver short-lived marriages, DWIs, high profile feuds and, of course, procreation.

Having a baby is a useful activity for celebrities for many reasons: First, the birth itself garners a lot of attention. Next, you can certainly get a fitness magazine cover if you get your ‘post-baby’ body in shape—but quick. Of course, having such an attention-hungry parent is sure to create a screwy environment in which to grow up, leading to more tabloid headlines.

Nevertheless, the single most attentiongrabbing way a celebrity steals the spotlight when having a baby is with the name, and 2011 did not disappoint.

Ethan Hawke welcomed a baby boy into the world and named him Indiana. That’s okay, I guess. Indiana Hawke has a nice ring to it, and just think how easy it will be to buy him presents—hat, whip, the Raiders box set. Peyton Manning named his daughter Mosely. Mosely Manning. I like the alliteration, kind of like ‘middle management.’ Clueless star Alicia Silverstone named her son Bear Blu. Now that really rolls off your tongue. Bear Blu is a vegan. Bear Blu won’t eat two foods that touch. Real Housewives star Kim Zolciak named her son Kroy. Kroy Zolciak. Tell me, did you always dream your son would grow up to become a villain in outer space?

Surprisingly, there also were some attention-grabbing baby names that were notable for the right reasons. Tina Fey named her daughter Penelope. Like Fey herself, the name is quirky and beautiful. Orlando Bloom and his wife, model Miranda Kerr, named their little boy Flynn—perhaps a tip of the hat to Errol Flynn and Bloom’s swashbuckling in the Pirates franchise. The Office star and Nerinx Hall grad Jenna Fischer brought little Weston into the world. Hopefully, Nicolas Cage’s son won’t permanently taint the name, and Jenna’s little man can enjoy his sophisticated moniker.

Welcome to Tinsel Town, babies. Soon, you’ll be going to play dates with Kal-el Cage and Suri Cruise and attending birthday parties for Tu Morrow and Romeo Beckham. And when you consider the name a Swedish couple once tried to give their child, Brfxxccxxmnpcccclll-mmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116, remember things could always be worse.

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