I’ve always been kind of cocky about my children’s immune systems. They may not be on the honor roll, but those kids are healthy. Sure, Punch may take to the bed every once in a while, but it’s really more of a personal day. Cranky and Whiny, on the other hand, you could throw them in a cage with an ebola-riddled gibbon monkey and they’d come out in the pink. Well, apparently the universe decided I was getting a bit too arrogant when it came to my uber-spawn. There’s a saying...oh what is it? That’s right--payback's a b*tch.
It all started last week. Punch was patient zero. He said he wasn’t feeling well, but usually that’s code for I need a break. It’s sort of a Norma Desmond back-of-the-hand-to-the-forehead kind of not feeling well. So I tucked him in on the couch with a 7UP and the remote, and went about my day. Sure, his color was a little off and his lips were uncharacteristically red (and a casual observer might say he looked dead behind the eyes), but there was nothing to do. My kids don’t get sick.
Apparently, the universe does not like to be ignored when it is administering a karmic lesson. Cue the vomit. Suddenly I am knee-deep in laundry and chicken soup and toast and sheets and towels…and that’s when the phone rings. Mom can you come pick me up? I feel like I’m going to throw up. Two down.
Then the psychological component hits. Am I getting the flu? I don’t know. I feel OK, but am I chilly? Am I nauseous? You know what I should do? I should have a glass of wine. If I can manage a glass of wine, then I definitely don’t have the flu. Yes, good. Problem solved.
As if any flu isn’t bad, this flu had one particularly nasty trait. In any given 24-hour period, my kids felt fine for six of those hours. Their energy was back, their color was back, and—worst of all—their appetites were back. Then, just like that...bam! It was almost like they had five mini-flus every 18 hours—a tidal flu?
Well, I don’t want to speak too soon, but we seem to be out of the woods. Whiny was the sole survivor—he never even had a sniffle. Of course, I’m not going to brag about it. The universe has a way of getting you back.