Well, the television season officially came to an end this week. That means if you’re a fan of Castle or The Mentalist or Criminal Minds, you have to wait until October for a fresh dose. And you know what else that means: It’s reality TV time.

Are you a performer? I have good news. There are numerous venues for you to showcase your skills. Plus, there are so many outlets you don’t actually have to be that good. Last year on America’s Got Talent—or as I like to call it—America’s Got Time on Their Hands, the show featured a guy who climbed up tall ladders and belly flopped into baby pools. Featured him. So you could probably get some screen time if you just drew two eyes and a mouth on your stomach and pinched your belly button together while you talked.

Maybe singing’s not your thing. Maybe it’s dancing—or at least you think it’s dancing (or you and your mother think it’s dancing). Head on over to audition for So You Think You Can Dance. It’s probably the most apt title in reality programming, and much kinder than Most of You Cannot Dance. Plus, with that show, there’s a reality career path: Winners can graduate to Dancing with the Stars or Vegas, where being a dancer has many meanings.

If you aren’t ready to release a sex tape but are fully prepared to check your shame at the door, there are a number of options. However, you have to be younger than 30, have the alcohol tolerance of a Russian mobster, a mild recreational substance abuse problem and easy access to penicillin. If you fit the profile, let the bar brawl begin.

Everybody is famous these days. Sure, Brad Pitt is famous and Julia Roberts is famous, but Snooki and Kim Kardashian are famous, too. The woman who tans too much is famous, and the gal who breast feeds her 4-year-old is famous. Well, now we are swerving into infamous territory, but people still spot them on the street. I guess one has to wonder: If fame is the destination, does the route really matter? Certainly most of us would prefer to look back and think, I’m really glad I saved that litter of puppies from the burning building than say, It was totally worth getting herpes and some minor brain damage, but who knows? Fortunately in most cases, fame is a candle that is quickly snuffed out, because when everybody is famous, no one is.