So, Halloween was this past week. It was fairly standard. Whiny scouted neighborhoods for maximum candy retrieval. Punch received text alerts as to which houses were giving out the best candy—better still, where people simply left the bowl out on the front stoop. I’m not proud. The only change this year was a small thing, a gentle shift in the tectonic plates of the Baldwin family. When I asked Cranky where she was going to trick or treat she replied, Mom, I Murtaugh-ed trick-or-treating last year.

While I admit, I am not fluent-speaking teenager, I am completely conversational in '80s movie references. As you may recall Sergeant Murtaugh is Danny Glover’s cantankerous character in the Lethal Weapon franchise. Whenever Mel Gibson’s psycho Riggs would drag Murtaugh into some life threatening situation, Murtaugh would reluctantly shake his head and say, I’m getting too old for this *#@*.

That’s fine. I’m fine. I mean, really, I’m fine with it. The last thing you want is a group of teenage girls going door to door in strange neighborhoods unsupervised. So, if you look at it like that, being too old to trick-or-treat is a good thing. I’m fine. Did I mention I’m fine?

Her first Halloween, Cranky was a daisy. She had a little rosebud mouth stained red from a lollipop and big cloth petals all around her face. She took off her diaper in a neighbor’s yard and cried when a kid dressed like a ghoul came to the door. Good times. But now she’s 14. She’s clearly too old to trick-or-treat. Sadly, she is not too old to put on a costume. But now she wants to be a Baywatch lifeguard or a genie. Halloween has suddenly become a hall pass to look like a hussy.

Time marches on. Instead of trick-or-treating this year, Cranky hung out at a friend’s house with a group of kids and watched scary movies. There may have been a prank or two involved. I know there were boys. You know, a couple of weeks ago, I found that daisy costume in a box in the garage. I know I should donate it to the Goodwill, but somehow I just can’t bring myself to part with it.

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