Well, Oscar season may be just around the corner, but it’s not here yet. So if you aren’t in the mood for a car chase or see a bunch of stuff get blown up, I suggest you avoid the Cineplex this month. The bad news: Yes, it’s the standard pabulum or sequels and remakes. The good news: Some of them look awesome.
Just imagine the Schwarzenegger original with a lead who can act: Colin Farrell. This is your standard ‘guy walks into a memory implant store in hopes of having a more exciting life only to find that his current boring life is in itself a memory implant…or is it?’
The Bourne Legacy
The Bourne franchise returns with a cast that reads like a guest list to an Oscar party. You see, those clever studio executives decided—er, realized—that Jason Bourne is not a person, it’s a designation. There are many Jason Bournes. This time, it’s Jeremy Renner. When the agency decides to terminate the Treadstone project (and everyone associated with it), the chase begins.
Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones play a content married couple who decide—well, she decides—that their sex life needs a little spicing up. So they head off to a couples therapy retreat run by a renowned relationship counselor (Steve Carell). I’m sold.
Will Ferrell and Zach Galifianakis star in what looks to be a hilarious parody of cutthroat politics. Ferrell plays a long-term incumbent who commits an awkward public gaff, opening the door for a naïve rival to challenge him.
The Expendables 2
I would have laughed this off with an eye roll had I not seen the cast. My new favorite guy, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, stars as a New York City bike messenger— the minimum-wage job for people with a death wish—who gets a package he shouldn’t.
Hit and Run
Dax Shepard stars as a getaway driver in witness protection who blows his cover to let his girlfriend land her dream job. For obvious reasons, neither the feds nor his old compadres are happy to see him re-emerge.
Normally you hear the words ‘haunted box’ and ‘evil curse’ and it’s over. But again, the cast may be enough to bring you around. Here, Kyra Sedgwick and Jeffrey Dean Morgan star as a couple trying to escape afore mentioned clichés.
New on DVD
As you can see, there’s not much at the Cineplex. Here’s what’s out to rent:
21 Jump Street
This is a surprisingly funny spin on the ’80s TV series. Mouth-breather Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill star as two bumbling cops who go undercover to bust a high school drug ring. It’s a 7.
Just when you thought there was no gas left in the tank, producers were able to push out one more American Pie movie. Here, as you may have guessed, they are back for their high school reunion and (almost) all of them have grown up. It’s a 6.
The Three Stooges
Continuing on our theme of uninspiring comedies, I give you The Three Stooges. In spite of what you may think, this movie actually is entertaining and the three actors are spot-on in their homage to the original kings of slapstick. It’s a 6.
Of the two Snow White interpretations, this one is by far the more lighthearted and apparently less-scandalous version. Julia Roberts stars as the wicked queen trying to kill Snow White and land the handsome prince for herself. This is certainly the only family-friendly release this week. It’s a 7.