The Expendables: It’s a 6

I like to imagine the inception of this movie. Sylvester Stallone is sitting at his favorite little hole-in-the-wall bar sharing beers with Mickey Rourke and Dolph Lundgren and reminiscing about their favorite on-camera shootouts, or lamenting some regrettable plastic surgery decisions. All of a sudden Arnold Schwarzenneger and Bruce Willis pop in and challenge them to a game of darts. As they laugh and party the night away, one of them comments, This is great, isn’t it guys? Wouldn’t it be great if we could shoot a movie like this, all the hugely successful and important action heroes of the last 20 years together on one screen? They all realize it would finance a new beach house for each of them, and Stallone agrees to write, produce, direct and star…because as big and important as everyone is, he is bigger…and importanter.

    This group of good guy mercenaries is contacted by a woman on an obscure Central American island. The tiny country has been taken over by a corrupt general and a rogue CIA operative-turned-drug dealer. It’s up to our group to stop the bad guys and apparently blow up the entire island while doing so.

    So what Stallone has created, in his infinite wisdom, is a movie that is pure action. It’s an action movie on steroids. There is no scene without a fight, explosion, car chase, knife fight, shoot-out, fist fight, plane crash, emergency appendectomy or dismemberment. By all means, tell your 15-year-old son to run right out and buy a ticket. Even my younger ones loved it. It is what it is, and it’s a 6.