Okay, I want to say for the record that I loved the TV show. And the first movie was a charming, fitting conclusion to the series. Of course, no one in Hollywood has ever heard the expression ‘too much of a good thing,’ which brings me to the sequel: This movie is atrocious, pointless, offensive, vulgar and dizzyingly vapid. In short, two and a half hours of drivel.

    The movie rejoins our ladies in various mid-life crises. Miranda (Cynthia Nixon) has quit her job at a powerhouse law firm, Charlotte (Kristin Davis) is overwhelmed with motherhood, Samantha (Kim Cattrall) is fighting off menopause, and Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker) is afraid she and Mr. Big (Chris Noth) are turning into a boring old married couple. What is the cure for all this ennui? A trip to Abu Dhabi, of course! What could possibly go wrong there? Oh, and let’s throw in Carrie’s ex Aidan (John Corbett) because that’s a believable coincidence. Here’s a tip, Hollywood: Having the character acknowledge an event as being hard to believe doesn’t make it any more believable.

    The real reason many people want to see this movie is for the fashion. God knows I am not in the front row at Bryant Park, but I feel like the kid in the crowd yelling, “The emperor has no clothes!” Half the outfits the women wear are unremarkable, the rest, absurd. I mean there’s cutting edge and there’s cutting-room floor, but what do I know? I will give the movie credit for three or four laugh-out-loud one-liners, but that’s hardly worth the price of admission. So if I haven’t convinced you yet, I don’t know what else I can say to get you to steer clear of this movie. Oh yes, I can: Samantha simulating sex in front of a group of Muslim men during the call to prayer.