The Lone Ranger

Every once in a while this happens in Hollywood: Somebody read the script, saw the talent attached and perused the budget. Somebody eyed the corner office at Disney. Somebody called the Lamborghini dealer and made an offer on a Malibu beach house. Somebody grinned greedily at the idea of this movie, thinking, This is my Avatar, my Pirates, my Marvel superhero movie. Somebody employed some faulty logic. Clearly, the formula Disney + Depp = dollars is not an immutable law of cinema. In layman’s terms, this movie stinks.

The Lone Ranger (Armie Hammer) is a vigilante lawman, who, along with his faithful Indian sidekick, Tonto (Johnny Depp), rides through the Old West looking to bring the Cavendish gang to justice and avenge the death of the Ranger's brother, Dan. There. That was simple enough. What about that could possibly cost $200 million? Hmmm.

This movie is almost condescending in its lack of concern for logic, continuity and charm. Frankly, if it just had the third, I could even forgive the absence of the first two. It’s as if no one exercised any restraint at all--financially, theatrically or editorially. Imagine some very spoiled children left without a sitter…and $200 million. It’s not just that the movie is bad, it’s that the filmmakers are almost laughing about it, knowing we’ll pay to see it, anyway. Not this time. It’s a 5.

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