Well, this is unusual. Here we have a movie helmed by a group of actors who spend their free time dusting their Oscars. The movie has a tested director, an intriguing, if well-worn premise, and virtually no competition at the box office. What would it take to make this worth a rainy day jaunt to the Cineplex? Whatever it is, this movie doesn’t have it. In fact there is only one word I can think of to describe it: unredeemable.

Giovanni (Robert De Niro) ratted on his mob brethren. So courtesy of the federal government and Agent Stansfield (Tommy Lee Jones), Giovanni, his wife Maggie (Michelle Pfeiffer), son Warren (John D’Leo) and daughter Belle (Dianna Agron) are now the Blake family residing in a cozy hamlet in Normandy, France. (I know what you’re thinking, and the answer is I don’t know.) The family quickly puts their mob practices to good use, reigning in bullies and bureaucrats, as they attempt to assimilate. If you guessed that at some point, something tips their hand and the mob discovers their whereabouts, give yourself a gold star.

I cannot for the life of me imagine what drew these actors to this project. I have wrapped fish in better scripts. There are sequences that are so irrelevant they are inexplicable; it’s almost as if the writer needed to fill time before the big ta-da. Hmmm. I don’t know what else to say—it’s not even worth a rental. It’s a 4.

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