I’ll be brief, as I am not inclined to waste any more of anyone’s time on this than is absolutely necessary, including my own.


First of all, why? Secondly, if you’re going to remake a movie that revolves around technology and mankind’s increased dependence on nonhuman solutions, forget it. I feel like I’m telling my children to pick up after themselves. It’s a 5.

Endless Love

Now, we’re getting somewhere. Endless Love is a melodrama about first love--nay, forbidden love--between two extremely attractive people. That’s the perfect formula for a remake. It’s two (ish) hours of B- minus acting that is extremely easy on the eyes. It’s a 6.

Winter’s Tale

Suffice it to say that this movie is just a few tweaks shy of slapstick. I can’t explain it because I don’t understand it—not the plot. I don’t understand how anyone can sit through a screening of this movie and give the OK to release it. Compilers of gag reels are jumping for joy today. It’s a 3.

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