The Baldwin Report

Unreliable and second-hand gossip from around the world*

Miley Cyrus

In an attempt to squelch the ever-increasing rumors of a break-up with Australian actor Liam Hemsworth, the soon to be has-been tweeted a picture of herself in a wedding gown. Cyrus seems determined to show the world that the engagement is still a go. And if there’s any way to show a fiancé on the fence that you are a composed, desirable, not-in-any-way-desperate woman, it’s walking around in your wedding dress.

Amanda Bynes

The troubled child star had a small victory in court last week. After a laundry list of drug- and alcohol-related brushes with the law and public embarrassments, Bynes has apparently cleared her first legal hurdle. In court on possession charges—neighbors complained of a smell and Bynes was accused of throwing drug paraphernalia out a window—a judge dismissed the charges when no evidence of a crime was found. OK. One down. That just leaves: three DUIs, two public intoxication charges, a hit-and-run, one count of vandalism and a psych eval—finally a light at the end of the tunnel.

Lisa Vanderpump

The real housewife is also a restaurateur. She owns the popular L.A. bistro Villa Blanca. Well, popular until last week when diners realized that the eatery had been cited for numerous health code violations, including a complaint by a diner after she found pieces of cardboard in her salad. Hey. Hey. Hold it right there. Cardboard is fat-free, calorie-free and very high in fiber. It is a mainstay in Vanderpump’s new soon-to-be best seller, The Cardboard and Cotton Ball Diet.

Jennifer Lawrence

The Oscar winner is taking some heat after revealing in a recent interview that she lives with her mother. The 23-year old Hunger Games star has apparently turned her back on the fast-paced Hollywood scene, opting instead for a more toned-down life. Well, that’s just great. An actress who is accountable for her behavior and focuses on her career? What’s next? A stable relationship? Volunteer work? She obviously has no regard for the paparazzi, who depend on irrational, drug-fueled shenanigans to make their living. Selfish.

*so don’t quote me.