The Baldwin Report

Unreliable and second-hand gossip from around the world*

Miley Cyrus

The 20-year-old former Disney star had tongues wagging with her tongue-wagging, vulgar-ish performance at last week's MTV Video Music Awards. Hannah Montana was nowhere to be found, as Cyrus 'twerked,' made obscene gestures and simulated sex with a stunned Robin Thicke. I honestly don’t know what all the fuss is about. If she wants to squeeze in a drunk-driving accident, a two-month marriage, a prescription painkiller addiction, a racist rant, a sex tape, a stint in rehab and a reality show by the time she’s 23, she needs to work on schedule. These downward spirals don’t just happen by themselves.

Kylie Jenner

The youngest Kardashian tweeted a picture last week of her 16th birthday present, a $125,000 Mercedes SUV. The adorably spoiled reality star then posted a pic of her new ride in a long line of luxury cars in her family driveway with the caption: runs in the family. So you see, her parents may be breaking up, Khloe’s husband may be a drug-addicted philanderer, Kim’s rapper/baby daddy may be nowhere to be found, but everything is pristine on the surface--where it matters.

Kate Gosselin

The former tabloid fodder and former star of Kate Plus 8 is suing her ex-husband, Jon, for millions of dollars alleging that he hacked her computer and used illegal surveillance to gather confidential information for a tell-all book. Jon claims the suit is baseless and is merely a desperate attempt to soak him. I guess she was so busy with all those kids, she missed the whole blood-out-of-a-stone adage.

Alec Baldwin

Well, it would appear fatherhood has done nothing to mellow the 30 Rock star. Last week, Baldwin attacked a paparazzo who was trying to snap a picture of the actor and his wife, Hilaria. When police arrived, Baldwin claimed the photog was the aggressor; but multiple onlookers recorded the incident that showed Baldwin pinning the man to the hood of a car. It’s troubling. Is Alec Baldwin just a man trying to take a walk with his wife, or is the photographer just a guy trying to make a living? Eh, either way. I’ve got no dog in this race.

*so don’t quote me.