The Baldwin Report--Reality TV Edition

Unreliable and second-hand gossip from around the world*

Reality TV Edition

Kris Jenner

Amid rumors of fights, meltdowns and break-ups surrounding very pregnant reality star Kim Kardashian and her baby-daddy, Kanye West, Kim’s mother is quick to put our minds at rest. The Kardashian matriarch told anyone who will listen that Kim is planning a small, intimate wedding--quite unlike the media extravaganza of her first. Kris went on to say that Kim is looking forward to a quiet engagement and private ceremony. And I’m sure there’s a reasonable explanation for that Kanye-shaped hole in the chapel wall…

Honey Boo Boo

The Toddlers and Tiaras veteran and redneck reality star took a trip with her family and saw the ocean for the very first time. TLC followed Honey Boo Boo, Mama June and family to the Georgia coast, where they enjoyed some fun in the sun. Sure, they destroyed an ecosystem and leveled a small island from the displaced water, spilled go-go juice and litter, but they had fun--and that’s what counts.


The Jersey Shore alum is now the host of his own talk show aptly titled, The Show with Vinny. In an effort to boost ratings, the self-declared guido made an impassioned plea in the form of a video, asking Prince Harry to be a guest on his show. Buckingham Palace was prepared to issue a statement to express outrage at the absurd request when the show’s producer’s cleared up the misunderstanding. Turns out Vinny was courting 'Prince Hairy,' a homeless guy who hangs out on the beach in Atlantic City and will let you wax him for 10 bucks and a can of malt liquor. He declined.

Kristin Cavallari

The perennial 'scripted reality television' star married her fiancé, Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler, last weekend. The pair tied the knot in Nashville before friends and family, and Cavallari described the private wedding as "warm and cozy." Of course, rumors of a reality spinoff are flying, so the marriage will be anything but, if MTV has anything to say about it. Brace yourself for a honeymoon kidnapping, an illegitimate child, a parental seduction and possibly an evil twin. You know, because it’s reality.

*so don’t quote me.